Why it’s important to embrace your version of success.
“That looks like a landmine!” I shouted as I pulled out the tent peg. Underneath the earth that came away with the peg was an unexploded mortar. My wife, then cycling partner, and I gingerly extracted ourselves from our chosen camp spot, hoping not to lose our lives in the process.
We were on a 10,000-mile cycle ride from Malaysia to the UK, halfway around the world. That night we’d been camping on the Afghanistan-Tajikistan border. We had no idea that there were still unexploded landmines all along the border that the Russians laid in the 90s to stop smuggling and armed groups.
This was just one of many moments on our year-long cycle in which I questioned what on earth we were doing. The risks were large. Cycling every day for a year, for up to 8 hours a day, and camping in obscure locations was not only challenging, but dangerous. But, to us, the risk of not doing this life-changing journey was even greater. Sometimes getting outside of what culture and society deems important or the “done route” can be scary.
Whose version of success are you currently living?
Our bike trip was the culmination of several smaller leaps of faith into the world of adventure. After a couple of years working in London, we decided to move to Asia. Neither my wife nor I were living a life true to ourselves. Our shared ‘what’ was a life of adventure. So, we left our “good” stable jobs because we wanted to experience different cultures, work in different environments and explore different parts of the world. With clarity in our what, I found fantastic, albeit challenging, work opportunities – from an eco-packaging factory in China to starting an airline in Guam.
Then we moved from Hong Kong to Kuala Lumpur for an opportunity with AirAsia (the EasyJet of Asia), before the little cycle ride home. Through each of these transitions I had major fears. Was this “sensible”? What if I couldn’t get back into corporate life? These were real fears and possibilities but my what was clear so my ‘how’ became obvious. I’d planned, saved, asked for help, and trusted that I would find a way to make it work.
Where in your life are you overthinking the ‘how’ without being clear on the ‘what’?
We cycled through 23 countries on everything from motorways to snow-covered mud tracks. We slept everywhere from petrol station forecourts to the homes of wonderfully kind people who insisted that we eat and stay with them. The kindness we experienced in Central Asia was particularly life-affirming. People consistently went out of their way to help us. In Uzbekistan we were almost dragged off our bikes, sweaty from cycling in 40-degree heat, into a wedding reception. Within 10 minutes we were dancing with the bride and groom!
Of course, this journey wasn’t without its challenges. Not only was it physically and mentally exhausting, but we also had to navigate our relationship during times of high pressure, where we saw each other at our best and worst. We fell off our bikes, were chased by wild dogs, got snowed into our tent for 2 days, became ill in very remote places, and nearly broke up on the side of the road (only 3 weeks in!).
The times when we made mistakes or things went wrong provided the greatest opportunities to learn. From figuring out how each of us managed under extreme pressure, to how to get the best out of one another, focusing on our strengths. Together we learned how to face the enormous challenge, focusing on what we could control – simply getting back on the bikes each day, eating, and finding somewhere to sleep. We re-framed the challenge as “a mental one, not a physical one”.
Your ‘what’ can change.
What you might want out of life can change – it certainly has for us. We now have 2 kids, so the adventurous side of things has evolved, and our focus is now on time as a family – less camping in fields of landmines and more sandcastles on the beach! But we still consistently make decisions with clarity in what we want.
I’m often struck by the number of people I work with that haven’t spent time figuring out what they “really really want” to use the lyrics of one of my 6-year-old’s favourite songs by the Spice Girls. Figuring out what you want is infinitely more important than how you get it. Many people spend years heading in a direction without having properly interrogated if that is what they want. The same goes for business. Teams can be so keen to get on with the doing that they forget to first get clarity and alignment on what success looks like.
What makes this so incredibly important? You are going to die. This is something that we don’t tend think about enough. When we do it is incredibly effective at focusing the mind on what is meaningful for you and consequently what you really want.
If my time were shorter than I expect, what would I change?
“I wish l’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me” is the #1 regret of the dying in Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, in which she interviews people in hospices. This is challenging. Sometimes it means taking a leap of faith. Sometimes it will be saying no to things. Sometimes it will mean failing. But in my opinion, this is where we need courage to be honest about what matters to us.
When you look back at your life, hopefully at a ripe old age, will you be able to say that you lived a life true to yourself?
Only you know what that means. It certainly doesn’t have to mean cycling halfway around the world. Perhaps you want to start your own business or pursue some creative outlet? Or maybe you want to make £10m so you can live a certain lifestyle. Or maybe you want to spend more time with your kids. Clients of mine have left big investment banks to find work in line with their interest in sport, others have founded businesses, taken on huge jobs that require complete dedication, and some have retired early so they can spend their time on charity and lifestyle projects.
There is no right answer. Only your answer.
When you get clarity on what a successful life looks like you can consistently start to make decisions that are in line with that vision. Choices become easier – how you move forward often becomes obvious when you know what you want.
Be bold. You’re not getting out alive.
Charlie Hoare is an Executive Coach at TPA, bringing international commercial and entrepreneurial experience across multinational organisations and high-growth businesses. His background spans sectors including consumer goods, aviation, and travel, with experience at Innocent Drinks and AirAsia. Having lived and worked across London, Hong Kong, and Kuala Lumpur, Charlie brings a multicultural perspective and first-hand insight into leadership, growth, and change.
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